Visual Aspirations

I had a very nice talk with Keliana last night about how i hope to look. The picture here is one of her suggestions for the look i might aspire too. I've never been a blond but given my fair complexion may it is something i should consider. The look here is quite different to the prospective look i posted a few days ago, with softer more feminine styles chosen over a more trendy outfit. I think i'll defiantly need to try both to find out which is more me, but any comments are welcome.

Keliana and i swapped many pics last night and it was nice to know that we share so many similar ideas. One of the common ideas was an attraction to completely femme boys, that is to say, boys with slender smooth feminine bodys, possibly with pierced belly buttons and long nails, but no hint of breasts. A boy with a perfectly flat chest whose chooses a feminine form. I love this look so much and I think it is what I aspire to most of all.

I need to start at once really as my current figure, though petite, is not quite as slim as i should like. It is a little difficult while living at home but when i move i shall have to get my diet right to achieve the right figure. i keep my body smooth already, but Keliana suggested that i might get waxed when i make my move and this is an idea i like very much. As well as her suggestion to go shopping. I hope to have only girl clothes in my wardrobe so even when in boi mode i can achieve a more androgynous femme look.

I find out about my job in the next few days and so am crossing all my extremities that i'll get it so that i can move down and start working on my dream.

Prospective Look #1?

I must admit, for better or worse, I do -on occasion- look at naught pictures. Although for me most of the time when I look at pictures it always makes me think "I wish I looked like that" or "I wish that was happening to me" if its a particularly naught picture. *whistles nonchalantly*

I don't normally save pictures, but on occasion -when I see a pose, outfit, or look- I save it as something to aspire too. This picture with the post is one I came across today. I love the way she looks so much, the funky hair, the sex piercing and the awesome outfit. I wonder how close to that look i could get? I think my skin tone is quite similar, both of us are very pale, and wigs can do wonders. So I thought I'd post this to give some idea of what i aspire to.

A Little Extra Pocket Money

I had a second interview for the London job yesterday, its down to me and one other person now which is very nerve wracking. I went down to London to meet the team and have a look about and the other person will go down next week which means that I have to wait until then until I know. So fingers and toes crossed.

I'm really excited about the prospect of moving down even though this is only a low paid entry level job, but the prospect of living, working, and partying in London is too good to pass up even if I have to consider getting a second job to bring in a little extra pocket money.

This might not be too bad actually as I've always liked the idea of working in a bar, especially a tgurl bar. It would be fun to have somewhere to go and meet people on a regular basis and actually get paid to dress up and be convincing. It's something I'll defiantly look into if I hear back positively in the next week. I'm sure I've spoken to people in the past from tgurl bars who were looking for bar girls. If anyone knows of any vacancies let me know.

Things somone really should have told you

I like lists :) especially funny ones. I've decided to start this list entitled 'Things someone really should have told you' about some things I've come across on my adventures through netland that really wish people were aware of, such as:

#1 PVC can make you look fat. Especially if you are fat. If you are fat, especially if you're especially fat, you probably should think again about wearing PVC.

#2 I would rather see your face then your penis. Now I have nothing against penis's per se (is that the plural of penis? Penisi? Penises?) and I'm sure that your particular penis would rank highly on my all time list of penisi should I be inclined to write one (I like list, but not that much) but really, if you're going to approach me in a chat room I'd be much more likely to talk to you if your profile had a nice face shot rather then a nice head shot.

#3 So your cd/tv/tranny/tg go you, wave your freak flag high girl. But you should know this, you don't *always* have to dress like a 15 year old slut. Now dressing like a 15 year old slut can be sexy, particular if you have a nice figure and can get away with it. But it can also be a little bit iccy too if you are in your mid forties and can't quite get away with it. Now I'm not going to prescribe what people should or should not wear (i can feel the hate mail piling into my in-tray as i speak) but if your one of those who can't quite get away with the jail bate street walker look there is allot you can do by wearing clothes that are perhaps more fitting to your natural grace.

#4 If you IM me repeatedly in a chat room and I don't answer, this can mean one of two things. First, I am away and will get back to you at once when I have the time. Or secondly, "Fuck off and leave me alone you perverted hairy panty clad creep.


*This list will be updated*

*Disclaimer* It is not my intention to single anyone out or be especially offensive to people. These views were written tongue in cheek and from a humorous angle. There are of course many exceptions to what I have said and were written in a lazy casual way without anyone in mind and without any intention to offend. All criticism is welcome, but please deliver it in a mature and friendly manner as I don't want any flame wars. Thank you

Getting Dressed for the Day

Since returning from Japan in the summer I've been living back at my parent place. I get on very well with my parents, although I haven't quite gotten around to telling them I'm tg just yet, and this makes opportunities to dress a little difficult as I wouldn't generally want them to find discover my open thoughts on gender by walking in on me in a skirt. Today however, was one of the rare occasions when I got to dress without worry of being interrupted.

This was doubly exciting as it was my first real opportunity to try out the corset and the wig that I got when I was in Manchester. I currently find myself sitting on the kitchen table on my lap top, a sex black corset with a red ribbon down the middle clinching my sides into a more feminine frame. This corset was only cheap and so there are no hooks to put it together and I had to squeeze into it and then tie it up. The only way to do this was from behind so the knots were not easy. I was so proud when i got them done! To go with this i have a cute short checked skirts which i have matching panties for, as well as some fishnets and sexy 4" heels. The whole look is totally yummy that I've been staring in the mirror all morning. The only problem sadly, is my face.

That's not to say I'm particularly ugly (although I'll be the first to admit that I'm no stunner) but as a boi (and remember I've said I'm happy being a boi in the past) I look quite dashing with a beard. As I have interviews and stuff this week I've felt that I've had to keep the beard which of course, naturally clashes with my cute outfit.

So sadly no pic of how cute I look today - although I do promise to have one of this outfit up asap- but I've put up a slightly older picture that I took a month or so ago as compensation. I hope that will do for now, and I look forward -as much as you do I'm sure- to taking more and sexier pics soon.

London Calling

I got a phone call from the job I went for! Ok, so it turns out the want me to go back to London next Tuesday for a second interview, but it means that they like me enough to consider me for the job. It turns out its between me and another person who has the interview the day before. The last slot is always the best place to be so I think I've got a very good chance of getting it.

I'm so excited at the prospect of moving down to London, getting my own space and a chance to meet new people, and of course the oppertunity to dress and go out as I please. I still have a long way to go, and theres no guarentee that I'll even get this job. But the light of London are on the horizon.

Red Sky in the Morning....

I got to see the dawn this morning. The depressng thing was I'd already been awake for two hours before the sun decided to show up! The sky was red as the sun rose, an omen for the day?

So today was the big interview was today. I got up at 6, was out of the house for 7 and didn't get back home till 10. All for an interview from 11:30-12:30. Anyway, it seemed to go as well as could be expected although my lack of experience could prove to be a fatel floor. How I hate these catch 22 experiences. I can't get a job becuase I have no experience and I can't get experience becuase I can't get a job! Saying that, I am doing voluntary work so I am being proactive, but is it going to be enough? I'll find out about the job next week so fingers crossed. If I don't get it I might have to pester Keliana about that PA position she mentioned.

Oh yeah, and I figured out what red sky in the morning means.....theres clouds dummy.

Job Interview

Tomorrow is going to be a big day. I've been hoping to find a job down in London for the past three months and tomorrow I have my first interview! I'm not expecting to get the job necessarily, it is my first interview after all, but I'm hoping I might all the same!

Since getting back to the country in July I've been staying at my parents. As much as I love them I've still to get around to tell them that I'm tg (and still unsure if they *really* need to know) and so the chances to dress and express my femme side are few and far between. The prospect of getting a job in London far away from home is therefore doubly exciting.

I wouldn't move to London just to get a chance to dress of course, but the chance to start a career, live in a city like London *and* the opportunity to dress is too good to pass up. So wish me luck, if not in this job in the next, and who know in a few months maybe we'll be bigging it up together in London town.

On another not I hope you like this picture I chose to represent my interview. Its actually pretty close to what I'm going to wear tomorrow, a cute white shit, black top and with a nice professional looking leather folder. Sadly I won't look as pretty as the girl in the picture, but give me a little more time ;)

What's in a Name?

Anyone reading this blog after finding its link on one of the tg sites I roll around on might be a little confused at first by my name, as it's not the one I normally go by. Originally I wasn't going to link this blog to that name, but as I'm having so much fun writing it I'd like more people to know about it and read it.

My current name (at least on this site) Penelope Bailey, came along after I was chatting with one of my friends Keliana. I'm job hunting at the moment and looking for something down in London. Keliana lives down there and is a glamorous jet setter, so I jokally suggested that i should be her PA. This idea took hold and then we started chatting about how it would be, how I would book all her appointments and make her arrangements and how she would make sure that her glamorous little PA was kitted out in all the best labels and the cutest little strappy heels on the market.

We decided that this PA would need a new name, something that sounded professional and classy, but could also be affectionately shortened. Penelope was suggested and we both liked the sound of that. We also discussed what last name would sound right for an expression like, "My assistant Ms XXX will make sure you are comfortable". Out of the different ones we tried Bailey seemed to sit well, and -as it's also one of my favorite drinks- we decided that Penelope Bailey should be my new name.

I do like the sound of it, but I still keep coming across other ideas of names that i like the ring too. "Virginia Davenport", "Angela Stapleton", "Georgina Pendleton" hmmm so many different ideas. Well I always find the names I like the most are the ones people have given me. And as Klarrissa has given me Penelope Bailley then I'm more then happy with that. :) Although I am intrigued as to any suggestions that others might have. Do I look like a Penny? Do let me know, it would be amusing to see what might be suggested.

Hanging out in Manchester

Three of my favorite things in life are chatting over coffee, shopping for clothes, and going to the movies, and today was one of those rare occasions where I got to do all there. And with the added bonus of doing it with a really cool chick too.

One of the websites I like to hang out on is www.tvchix.com. It's a pretty standerd tg and-all-that chat room with its fair share of weirdo's, perverts, and crazy people (none of which are necessarily negative) and also the odd person who seems cool and resonably normal. Or at least close enough to normal that you wouldn't be worried about never being heard from again if you went to meet them. And Jess is one such person.

We'd been chatting for a few weeks and had camed enough times to know that the other person wasn't some deranged fifty year old psychotic with a handful of random tgurl pics. So as I wasn't working on Monday we decided to meet and hang out. I had a really good time with Jess, she's a recent post-op and a really funky lady so it was cool to hang out even if i did have to turn up in boi mode. I'm a long way of being able to walk the streets fully dressed in gurl clothes, but it was nice going about the town with someone who knows who I am. I managed to buy a cute corset in a funky store they have there and Jess let me pike her old wig as she has no use for it any more. I can't wait to get the chance to try them on and take some more piccies. Which of course I will post forthwith.

love ya
Penny

A bit more about me

So I realised in the first blog or two that I gave out some pretty criptic info and wanted to take some more time talking about what I meant here.

First I'd like to say that Penny is not a persona, but is who I am. I know many people who talk about 'not having had time to be Charlotte', or 'going out as Amanda' but for me thats just not having time to dress or just plain going out. I am Penny, I always have been Penny and I always will be Penny, its just who I am, although that doesn't mean I always have the chance to dress in girls clothes, but I'm Penny no matter what I wear.

The other thing I wanted to address is why it's taken me so long to want to be dressed more. On one hand I'm saying "This is who I am" and on the other I'm saying "I've only been out dressed a couple of times" so why doesn't everyone know who I am and then I dress how i damn well please? Well the simple answer I'm afraid is fear. I'm not a big fan of "coming out" and my parents and many of my close friends who I've known for years don't know I'm transgender and frankly I'm terrafied of telling them. I don't know if it's becuase I've known them for so long, or possibly becuase I come from a Christian background -and still consider myself as such- and am not sure how open minded some Christians can be.

Now thats not to say I'm a closet transgenderist (or cd if you prefer) but its just hard coming out to the people who have know you the longest. Especially as on one level I don't think the *need* to know. (Ok i realise i'm making lots of contradictions but I hope you'll let me off for now). I have come out to several people, my brother firstly whose a wonderful guy and this then gave me the courage to come out to some of my closest friends in Japan where I was living at the time. It was really nice to have a group of people who knew who I was. Essentially thats what I'm hoping to do now. I want to move to a new place and be open about who I am to the people I meet. Its a lot easier telling new people about who I am then telling people who have known me for years.

Penny Picture

This is a picture I took in Tokyo on my first ever night out! That seems a long time ago now, 18 months, it was such a good night. I've only really been out once since then as my chances have been limited for various reasons. However, at the time of writing I'm preparing to move to a new job (once I find one that is) in a new city and hopefully start a new adventure!

Welcome to my Blog!

Welcome to my blog! whooo hoooo, yay! and all that jazz.

Hello everyone I'm Penny and I guess I'll just start of by telling you, my readers, a little about me and give a few disclaimers. Sorry about the disclaimers, but I'm a very confused/confusing person and so it's probably best that you understand where I'm coming from from the start.

So I'm Penny, a 25 y/o t-something from the UK. No I don't really get all the transgender definitions and everyone seems to have a different take on what the different labels mean. As I have no great desire to pigeon hole myself I'll tell you a bit more about myself and you can make up any labels you like if that's what floats your boat.

I was born and live as a boy, and I'm happy with that, although in the back of my mind I've always wondered what it would be like to be a girl. I remember dressing up and playing with my little ponies as a child, finding the Internet and telling people I was a girl (very bad, lying is not nice *slap on the wrist*) until I realised THERE IS ANOTHER WAY!

I started chatting to people online and got more comfortable with that female part of me. I enjoyed people knowing who I really was and being cool with that. I don't think I'd consider a sex change any time soon (as I said I'm happy being a boy) but I want to explore being a girl too.

Essentially that's what this blog is (or will be) my exploration as a 21st Century Child.