Sub-Space

Well my hopes to bring my blog up to date in one quick stroke didn't seem to work so I'd better make as least one more (if not two more) posts before even more exciting things happen!

So after attending a big t-gurl event in February and the local Munch the week after I decided I wanted to go to BDSM event and see if I could explore things further. I'd heard a few people mention Club Lash, a fetish event that takes place once a month in Manchester.


I asked around if anyone for the local munch were thinking of going, a couple were and six very kindly offered to make a weekend of it and share a room with me. So on the Friday we hopped on a train and spent the afternoon doing one of my favorite things....shopping!

The theme for the even was Carnival and six decided that we were to have themed outfits. She would wear a black and purple ensamble and I would go for one in pink and black, which of course, matched perfectly with my collar :)

A number of hours later and beset by sore feet we made it made it back to our hotel room and have the luxury of a little over an hour to get ready before we met some others at a bar -supposedly- nearby.

Well here is my outfit more or less. I normally have to take a dozen photos before I get a good one and unfortunately we didn't have time to take that many. But at least you see that I'm not always the svelte seductress that I sometimes appear in my immaculately staged pictures.

Before going to the club we had to meet a few friends, and so, for the first time I ventured out dressed in public. Thankfully it was dark and considering the side of Manchester we were on no one seemed to look to closely at me. Anyway, I was more than happy to walk down the road although given my lack of heel-walking experience I wish the bar had been closer. Not to mention somewhat nicer....but anyway, this isn't a bar review and the important thing is that we made it to the club.

I always find it helps to not allow your expectations to get too carried away, and although the place was really nice and I had a great time it wasn't the nocturnal debauch fest that I might have been forgiven for expecting. There was a small bar area, a decent sized dance floor, a couple of corridors, and then of course the dungeon. All together it was more than enough to keep me entertained. *grins*

I also a knew a few other people who were going there, so I felt I knew enough people there that I wasn't standing in a corner by myself. Not that that would have ever happened with six with me of course. I was still quite shy though and so didn't really approach anyone that I didn't already know. Something to work on next time perhaps. One of the people who I knew there was Rachel who, if you've read some of my previous blogs you will know, I had played a bit with previously...more on that later though...

After having a few double voddies and coke my confidence appeared to creep up a little and when someone observed that it was a pity my collar did not have a leash I promptly pulled one out of my purse which I had been saving for such an occasion...

The next hour or two seemed to get a little blurred. With different people holding my leash I felt myself grow increasingly submissive and suggestible. I say it was down to the leash but perhaps the voddies and coke helped also. Then somehow I ended up being flogged for, what I'm told, was around an hour.

I remember little of it save someone taking me by my leash and leading me to a wall, sticking my ass out and moving it to the music. There was the repetitive feeling of a flogger hitting me although I don't think I was ever in any real pain, and the occasional intercession by six as she checked if I was alright.

I hope that Rachel enjoyed herself as much as I did. Everything seemed to evaporate into a blissful state that six calls "sub space". Apparently its quite a common experience for submissive's and certainly seems to be one of the perks of the position. The only worrying thing perhaps is that while I was in that state I think I would have allowed anyone to do almost anything to me. Very strange but not the less enjoyable.

Busy Times

Wow, well where to begin? I'm afraid it's been far too long since my last update and the speed with which things happen combined with ongoing job hunting means that I feel as if I'm playing catch up a bit.

In my last blog I was telling you about going out to Big Night Out which was still only my third time out dressed. If I told you that in the last month the amount of times I had dressed outside of the confines of my own home stood closer to seven (if fact so much and so blurred that I'm now going to stop counting) and even included attending a Chinese buffet in central Manchester, would you believe me?

I guess the big change has been having people who I can go to places with as very few tgurls I'm sure have the balls to go to many events alone. (and maximum respect to those who do) In the last month six has taken good care of me and my confidence has grown immensely and for that I will always be eternally indebted to her.

The week after BNO I decided I would try to make it to the local Munch. (For those who don't know and have not read my previous blogs a Munch is basically a place where people with a shared BDSM interest meet for drinks occasionally) With her encouragement I went dressed and feel this was defiantly the right decision. While it may have been easier and less risky to have gone in boi mode it would be difficult to shake that image of me from the minds of other simply by putting on a skirt and some make up. Taken as well with one of my long term goals being to be comfortable and confident going out dressed this encouragement was exactly what I needed.

There was a little scary moment when we arrive in the venue and ordered a drink at the bar. I wanted to shoot upstairs to the pre-booked function room as opposed to standing in at the bar regardless of how empty it was. I had specifically dressed in andro style clothes as I feel more comfortable thinking that people are double taking me and wondering if I'm a guy or a girl then have them look at me and think I'm just a guy in drag or something. One old guy at the bar kept staring at me and I steadfastly refused eye contact. I was sure that I had no chance of passing and that the girl behind the bar who smiled at me was mealy humoring me but perhaps not?

I guess when it comes down to it there are alot of ugly girls out there and even with my guy shoulders, awful make up, and stubble I'm still slightly more passable than some genetic girls out there. Well, I have to have something to cling to. six tells me though that all I need is confidence and she is right of course. If I hold myself and walk as if I don't care and am not out of place no one is hardly likely to confront me.

After ordering drinks we went upstairs where other people local to the area had come. Everyone was really nice and although I was nervous throughout I don't think I needed to be. It was a little hairy being the only t-gurl there. At other events I'd been to it was a reassuring thing that no matter how badly dressed I was there was always someone maybe more so. But here, at an event that had nothing to do with the t-gurl or the gay scene I was perhaps, from one point of view, a fish out of water.

None the less it was a wonderful experience and one that I would recommend to other t-gurls who read this. While going to tg clubs and events can be alot of fun I think most of us aspire to be able to do things with people who we share other interests with than solely an affection for pretty clothes. (not that that is not enough) I was certainly out of my comfort zone but then that's often the best place to be for an interesting life.

Hmm I think this will do for one post. I'm sorry that there's no pictures but I promise to make it up with the next one. It should be along very soon as it's already happened. I guess it just depends on how lazy I am.