I seem to have found myself suddenly going out with a girl.
This in itself is not a problem. I like girls. Girls are nice. However at the time we got together she didn’t have the foggiest idea about who I was deep down.
I recently met this girl in church (yes, I appreciate how strange that may sound coming from a self-confessed tg bondage kitten but I shall save that discussion for another day) and we started hanging out. We had a lot of shared interest, although I’m fairly confident that I at least have some interest that she perhaps does not share. I started hanging out at her flat and cooked her a few meals, afterwards curling up on her couch and watching some films by one of my favourite Japanese directors, Hayao Miyazaki, who she also loves.
Anyway, one thing led to another and we kissed.
I wasn’t quite sure what to make of this. Like I said, I like girls. But could she like me if she knew me? Should I tell her or should I try and hide those things?
I’m generally an open and honest person. In face, if I was not back living in the town where I’d grown up I’d probably be more open about my alternative interests. When I lived in Japan all my closest friends knew I was TG and thats the way I liked it. However, being back home and around parents and old friends things were never so easy.
I found myself wondering if I should ignore this girl or not return her calls so that we would actually go out and I could carry on as before. The only problem is I found it was me who was texting her and popping over. I knew however that we could not go out unless I told her who I really was.
Now I said she was a Christian, but like me I think she’s at a point where we figure there is a God probably, and people in church are nice, but the two facts might not neccesarily be related. I guess you could say we’re both pretty liberal about our faiths. I figured that I would start small and work up. If I scared her off before I told her I was TG so be it.
Perhaps a little forwardly then, one of the first question I asked her when we were out on a romantic moonlit walk by the river was her thoughts on sex before marriage. Most of our Christian friends shun the idea of sex before marriage but I’ve always thought sex should be fun and if you save it for the person you’re meant to settle down with for life then you’re not getting the most out of what is surly a God-given gift? She revealed that she had in fact had sex – although it was before she became a Christian, but seemed quite happy with my idea that sex should be enjoyed. She felt it should be more savoured as a special occasion then a casual occourence which I could agree with.
With a sigh of relief I said that was one down – implying that there was more to follow. I quickly explained that I like her – I thought she was great – however I wasn’t sure if we’d known each other long enough to be really going out and didn’t want to rush into anything before she knew some things about me. If she didn’t like what she heard I was prepared to cut my losses and run, but there was no way I was going to hide too many secrets. That kind of approach has ways of coming back to bite you.
So I pressed on. If she wasn’t phased by the fact I’d had sex she might not be worried that I was effectively bi. I told her I didn’t believe in sexuality and had been with guys. She actually thought this was cute and asked if I’d had a boy friend! I think my ideas about gender and sexuality being social constructs appeal to many people so I was able to expand on this by telling her I didn’t believe gender was fixed either and this, of course, resulted in me revealing that I was transgender.
Again she took it well. As I look back now, I can’t for the life of me remember what she said exactly, so relieved was I that she didn’t reject me. She certainly wasn’t “yay my boyfriend is tg” but she did like the idea that we could now share clothes.
It’s still early days. I don’t want to make out that it’s all done and dusted and she’s accepted me with no qualms. We’ve still not know each other long and although I’ve told her I’m tg she’s no idea what I look like as a girl so the next step perhaps is to show her a photo and ideally some time soon have her over to my place to see me dressed in the flesh.
But it’s a good start. The beginning of the relationship is certainly the best place to mention the fact that you’re tg if you get half an oppertunity. So yeah, watch this space I guess.
