Back from Sparkle

Just got back from Sparkle earlier today. Its nice to have a chance to rest my poor feet! I'm normally quite good in heels but I've never worn them for practically two days solid before. Deffinatly something else to add to the need-to-buy list: a pair of nice flat shoes!

I have a lot to write about and I doubt very much that it will all fit into one blog post but I'll try and cover a bit of the background in this post and a general overview of the weekend. As covered in previous enties this year was my second Sparkle, the first being twelve months ago. I was a bit disorganised that time and and ended up crashing on peoples floors. It was ok, but I did feel as if I was imposing a little. This time I made sure to book a hotel room early but having not met up with many people who I knew were going I didn't end up sharing with anyone. I ended up being quite far from other people and this made me feel a little bit isolated as I was often wandering around by myself while waiting for people. I'll have to make sure to rectify this before I start re-enforcing my image as the resident billy-no-mates of Sparkle.

Hopefully though I met enough people over the weekend that I will be able to arrange to stay closer to people and maybe even share a room. I got a good deal at the hotel and it wasn't to expensive but if I'd been in a triple instead of a single it would have been cheaper and I wouldn't have had to share a bathroom. There were at least three people who I met for the first time over the weekend who I've actually known for probably two years each and it was nice to finally meet in purpose and see them as real people as opposed to electronic-contacts.

Thats probably the best thing about Sparkle, there are so many people that its the best chance to meet new friends. The fact its in Manchester's Canal Street as opposed to just a night in a bar means that you can do alot more mingling and talk to stranger or friends-of-friends more naturally and without shouting.

Anyway, I'm tired and need to catch up with my sleep so I'll finish there for tonight but promise to write more when I get half a chance!

Sub-Space

Well my hopes to bring my blog up to date in one quick stroke didn't seem to work so I'd better make as least one more (if not two more) posts before even more exciting things happen!

So after attending a big t-gurl event in February and the local Munch the week after I decided I wanted to go to BDSM event and see if I could explore things further. I'd heard a few people mention Club Lash, a fetish event that takes place once a month in Manchester.


I asked around if anyone for the local munch were thinking of going, a couple were and six very kindly offered to make a weekend of it and share a room with me. So on the Friday we hopped on a train and spent the afternoon doing one of my favorite things....shopping!

The theme for the even was Carnival and six decided that we were to have themed outfits. She would wear a black and purple ensamble and I would go for one in pink and black, which of course, matched perfectly with my collar :)

A number of hours later and beset by sore feet we made it made it back to our hotel room and have the luxury of a little over an hour to get ready before we met some others at a bar -supposedly- nearby.

Well here is my outfit more or less. I normally have to take a dozen photos before I get a good one and unfortunately we didn't have time to take that many. But at least you see that I'm not always the svelte seductress that I sometimes appear in my immaculately staged pictures.

Before going to the club we had to meet a few friends, and so, for the first time I ventured out dressed in public. Thankfully it was dark and considering the side of Manchester we were on no one seemed to look to closely at me. Anyway, I was more than happy to walk down the road although given my lack of heel-walking experience I wish the bar had been closer. Not to mention somewhat nicer....but anyway, this isn't a bar review and the important thing is that we made it to the club.

I always find it helps to not allow your expectations to get too carried away, and although the place was really nice and I had a great time it wasn't the nocturnal debauch fest that I might have been forgiven for expecting. There was a small bar area, a decent sized dance floor, a couple of corridors, and then of course the dungeon. All together it was more than enough to keep me entertained. *grins*

I also a knew a few other people who were going there, so I felt I knew enough people there that I wasn't standing in a corner by myself. Not that that would have ever happened with six with me of course. I was still quite shy though and so didn't really approach anyone that I didn't already know. Something to work on next time perhaps. One of the people who I knew there was Rachel who, if you've read some of my previous blogs you will know, I had played a bit with previously...more on that later though...

After having a few double voddies and coke my confidence appeared to creep up a little and when someone observed that it was a pity my collar did not have a leash I promptly pulled one out of my purse which I had been saving for such an occasion...

The next hour or two seemed to get a little blurred. With different people holding my leash I felt myself grow increasingly submissive and suggestible. I say it was down to the leash but perhaps the voddies and coke helped also. Then somehow I ended up being flogged for, what I'm told, was around an hour.

I remember little of it save someone taking me by my leash and leading me to a wall, sticking my ass out and moving it to the music. There was the repetitive feeling of a flogger hitting me although I don't think I was ever in any real pain, and the occasional intercession by six as she checked if I was alright.

I hope that Rachel enjoyed herself as much as I did. Everything seemed to evaporate into a blissful state that six calls "sub space". Apparently its quite a common experience for submissive's and certainly seems to be one of the perks of the position. The only worrying thing perhaps is that while I was in that state I think I would have allowed anyone to do almost anything to me. Very strange but not the less enjoyable.

Shopping Spree!

I spent so much time moaning about how my difficult personal situation makes it tricky to get out en-femme that's it's started to annoy even myself. It seems to be a major skill in the trans spectrum to find excuses as to why we can't do the things we want and so it's hardly surprising that this has led to a reputation of time wasting fantasists in the eyes of others. The Internet is proliferated by people who claim it's their heats desire to explore femininity or bdsm but get cold feet at the first opportunity. I am determined not to be one of those people.

It was partly for this reason that I was very excited to meet up with two girls from chix the other day for some shopping in mancs. For me it was an easy (although not without natural reservations) first step. I'd talked to both girls online for a while and felt like I knew them before hand, we met during the day in a public place and lastly we were all in boi mode. Being trans dressing is important but not as important as other people knowing who you are. I write this really because I want to encourage people who feel they are trans to try and do something about it. I felt for the longest time that my trans tendencies were some kind of secret perversion like looking at porn and masturbating that should not be shared with others. I wish it hadn't taken me till about the age of 23 to find that this wasn't so.

When I came out to my brother it seemed like that was the point where I felt I could be tg, he was the first person I came out to who really knew me. Sure, you may have lots of online friends who know the girl you, but until you meet in the flesh they only know one side of you. So in an effort to explore my femininity i went, dressed as a boy, to meet two other guys in a town an hour or so away.

Jenni and Chloe were wonderful genuine people, but then I knew that before I met them. There's a lot of nutters on the net but you can take your time to find people who you would be friends with even if you didn't share trans-tendencies. This was defiantly how I felt hanging out with them. We wondered around various clothes shops and I even managed to buy a few things I needed (some heels as the ones i use currently are kinda 'borrowed' and some girl trousers.) and basically just hung out.

I felt I got alot from the day just from *being* with other people. Maybe I've just been sitting around on my arse all day for too long. It reminded me a little of how things had been in Japan when I'd come out to all my closest friends there. I think for many people we *are* somehow ashamed of being trans and so put up a wall between us and others. How can you truly be close to someone with a barricade between part of you and them?

So this entry is in part a thank you for Jenni and Chloe for a great day out, proof that I'm not a lazy fantasist who isn't prepared to even take the tiniest of steps towards self exploration, and an encouragement to anyone who happens to read this. You have nothing to be ashamed of. People might react in different ways when you tell them you're trans, and I urge you to use caution and await the right time, but there are people out there who get you, people who you would be friends with regardless of you desires to dress or whatever, find these people and find yourself.

Hanging out in Manchester

Three of my favorite things in life are chatting over coffee, shopping for clothes, and going to the movies, and today was one of those rare occasions where I got to do all there. And with the added bonus of doing it with a really cool chick too.

One of the websites I like to hang out on is www.tvchix.com. It's a pretty standerd tg and-all-that chat room with its fair share of weirdo's, perverts, and crazy people (none of which are necessarily negative) and also the odd person who seems cool and resonably normal. Or at least close enough to normal that you wouldn't be worried about never being heard from again if you went to meet them. And Jess is one such person.

We'd been chatting for a few weeks and had camed enough times to know that the other person wasn't some deranged fifty year old psychotic with a handful of random tgurl pics. So as I wasn't working on Monday we decided to meet and hang out. I had a really good time with Jess, she's a recent post-op and a really funky lady so it was cool to hang out even if i did have to turn up in boi mode. I'm a long way of being able to walk the streets fully dressed in gurl clothes, but it was nice going about the town with someone who knows who I am. I managed to buy a cute corset in a funky store they have there and Jess let me pike her old wig as she has no use for it any more. I can't wait to get the chance to try them on and take some more piccies. Which of course I will post forthwith.

love ya
Penny