Cuffs and Collars, Chains and Cains

The cuffs felt soft and strangely reassuring around my ankles and wrists. I tensed experimentally against the bonds, feeling the restrains constraining the separation between each cuff to a matter of inches.

Standing vulnerable in the corner of an unfamiliar room I had time to consider my thoughts and feelings. The strangest sensation I had to come to terms with was how right and comfortable I currently felt.

I had spoken to the couple, a Master and a slave who lived locally, for a couple of weeks on the Internet and had met the slave for a coffee in person previously before arranging a meet. They had been very genuine at all times before and after my arrival at the house, and had made sure I had a safe call in place for security. Even having this as a a safety net, it still surprised me that I was so happy to be bound, constrained and vulnerable to another without any sense of fear or worry. Had they done a good job in assuaging my fears by being so genuine, or was I a touch naive?

I had arrived that afternoon, the slave had greeted me at the door and we chatted over a glass of red wine as I got ready, slipping into what is still my only cute outfit. After putting on my make up we moved to her front room until a knock on the door signalled her Master's arrival.

She went to greet her Master at the door and I loitered in the front room till the door slid open. It was the first time that I had met the Master in flesh, although we had chatted extensively online, he came in to the front room now and we spoke for a few minutes. It was an odd position to be in, dressed up as I was, a table full of cuffs and chains between us, making small talk over a cup of tea.

After a five minutes or so the Master turned to a bag which he'd brought with him and pulled out a cute pink collar with white polka dots. My eye's widened as I saw the pretty leather object and positively purred inside as he slit it around my neck, a matching leash dangling down. He then slide the cuffs around my wrists and ankles and, after checking that I'd made my safe call, attached my hands behind my back with a carrabina through the cuffs.

Tugging on the leash He brought my to my feet and then led me around the table on the leash. I loved the feeling of being led around like a pretty pet, especially after the Master cuffed my ankles together restricting my movement to a hobble. The experience made me glow happily inside. After asking me to kneel the Master picked up a camera and kindly took some pictures of me, some of which you can see on my blog. I only wish I'd fixed my hair better!

He also took me through to the bedroom where on the wall was a rack of different floggers, whips and other implements to which the Master gave me a guided tour. The Master went trough several of the objects, demonstrating the finer nuances of each on my arm or other parts of my body. The one that I enjoyed the most was what he referred to as a pizza cutter (although I was told since that that was just his joke and its real name was a "wartenberg wheel") This he used on my back and chest, the tiny teeth biting my soft flesh was strangely exhilarating and I found my eye closing and my breath shallowing as I let the sensation was over me.

Shorty after that I was getting better acquainted with some of the other items. The Master had me bending over a chair, my head down and my backside pointed up in the air as a riding crop explored my intimate areas. Then with a crack the crop came down and hit me. Six times, three on each cheek. I'm still trying to work out how I felt about the experience, did I enjoy the pain, or was it more a sense of wanting to be pleasing and take the punishment that excited me.

Time was getting on, and after having me bend over her knee and pointing out the location of the painsubs "sweet spot" by use of spanking, it was time for me to leave :( . The Master undid the restraints, the thought of undoing them myself even with my hands free seemed strangely foreign, and the slid the collar off from around my neck. I felt a sense of sadness knowing that the experience -for now- was over. The Master kindly handed my the collar and said that I could keep it if I wish. I was so happy as I looked down at the pretty pink object in my hand, noticing a small name tag in the shape of a heart I turned it over and read my own name written there. I nearly cried.

The Beuaty of Bondage

Now that my secret love of BDSM is out in the open -not to mention the fact that I've placed a link to this blog on my collarme page- I thought that I would discuss my attraction to all things kinky in a little more depth.

Before I do that though I would like to thank everyone who has commented on my blog when they've seen me in chat rooms or emailed me at the various websites I frequent. It always makes me happy to know that people are reading and enjoying my blog and while all comments are welcome, comments on the blog itself are more so, as they allow the opportunity for discussion to develop and can influence the direction of topics I write about.

I've been drawn to BDSM from a young age, as soon as I first came across it when I was perhaps 14 or 15. I feel that, had I been born "a real girl" it would have been something I would have already have sought out and experienced. There is however less demand for a boy -especially a genderbender such as myself- from the BDSM massive. Of course tgirls are highly prized and many people admire tgurl models, but for every shemale starlet there is a rainbow of pantie wearers dreaming of what would happen "if only they had a chance." I'm not sure yet if I'm one of them or not.

What appeals to me most is perhaps the aesthetic beauty that I find from BDSM. The The outfits, the form, and the control inherent in bondage makes my tummy bubble and my loins ache. I've already mentioned how the cession of control resonates within me and bondage is the ultimate visual expression.The girl has no control and is positioned by others to be pleasing. This form can be simply kneeling in a corner or the use of elaborate outfits, cuffs, chains, ropes and collars. At the risk of sounding like a if-only-i-could dreamer, I will add that being a bondage model is also something I would seriously like, if I ever become presented with the opportunity of course.

O Mistress, Where Art Thou?

Wherein Penny discusses the Dark side of her psyche, talks with a real life ex t-gurl porn star, and becomes an Owned sex doll for slightly over a week.

Some of you may, on occasion, have stumbled across some of the profiles i have on a myriad of sites on the interweb and so already be aware that as well as having an active interest in dressing like a member of the feminine sex I also have an interest in the deliciously dark world of BDSM.

Which came first I do not know, but for many years now my desire to dress and experience BDSM have gone hand in hand. In fact, my brother found out I was tg when, finding my porn collection which I had in my youthful folly decided to save on a communal pc, asked me if I wanted to do that kind of things to girls, to which I had to nervously reply that, no, I would much rather be the girl themselves.

I will not discuss too much in this space the various things that appeal to me in the BDSM scene, or the experiences I have had so far -to do so would make too long a post and drain the interest from all but the most avid and intrepid of readers- but will let you in on an experience I've had in this last week.

One of the websites I frequent is Collarme, a wonderfully inept website for finding the right kind of person I'm after but spectacular for finding an assortment of weido's, wannabes, and money whores. (I apologise for the aside her, but this week I messaged as so-called Mistress asking to talk and received the reply that to do so i must top up her phone in tribute. When i declined to do so because i believed it undermined the fundamental trust between a submissive and a Dominant she disdainfully declared that she had no time for freeloaders!) It is very difficult to find people who not only match your kinks, but also your location, as wells as being physically attractive to you. This week however I got as close as I've been for a long while.

I met a Master who certainly ticked all the boxes for the way i liked to be treated, he said the right things and made me say the kind of things i love being made to say. he was also well educated, well off and well endowed. (the last bit is actually a lie, i didn't see his member, but felt I had to add it for literary effect) The only trouble is that he was much older then me and I was not sure how physically attractive I found him.

We chatted for a while on messengers and mic and even arranged to meet. i was nervous but took all the normal precautions of making sure it was public and I could get away if needs be. At this point, to dissuade any undue disappointment of anyone expecting a tale of a steamy sojourn i'll tell you now that the meeting never happened. The trouble was, i think he disagreed with me on the basic principle that while a submissive does indeed submit, she is essentially an equal to the Master.

I'm a big believe in equality, and that doesn't mean I don't get excited about name calling, and orders, but I think that a Dominant should care for their subbie and graciously accept and respect the gift of submission they are given. In short, they should expect no more of the subbies time and effort then they would give themselves and should trust them as much as the subbie gives them trust.

This is where the relationship broke down, i felt I was giving much of what he asked, my time in writing reports, and by thinking of him all day (it really was very exciting while it was going on) but I did not feel I was getting the same in return. We talked most days and then I didn't hear from him for a few days. I gradually stopped writing reports as I was getting none back, nor a list of instructions/rules that had been promised. I naturally assumed that there had been some problem, that he would get to me when he could, and that something must have just come up. As it happens I was right. Perhaps. However unfortunately he was not such a positive thinker.

After a few days of nothing I got a note left on my messenger "I suspect that you no longer want to continue this relationship." I was incensed, ok, i had not written for a few days, but i had been on and waiting and had been thinking of him alot. I assumed he had his reasons for not writing, but he assumed that I had lost interest or something. And in doing so, I did.

For me, my attraction to a Dominant is largely based upon respect, and for him to assume the worst i had lost some of the respect i had had for him. He tried to explain saying that his father had been ill and he'd been busy, and also that he could not meet as planned. Whether this was true or not matters little, i would like to believe him. But to assume the worst of me i felt was disrespectful. I told him I needed to reconsider things, and maybe I will. But since that happened, several days ago now, I have no heard from him. I will see how things go in the future but I am not holding my breath. Oh well, maybe when I move down to London....

Disclaimer: Penny apologises for the false advertising about meeting a real life ex-tgurl porn star. This is in fact true but she sadly felt this post would be too long to mention it in this space. Penny apreciates all comments from her readers especially those which may lead on to future blog topics. If there is anything you would like to know more about please leave Penny a comment and she will endevor to touch upon the subject in the near future.