Resolution

First let me say Happy New Year! to all who read this. I now have 5 readers and I'm up to well over 3000 hits now which is very flattering. So thank you for reading this and taking an interest in my boring-ass life.

So 2009, a make or break year for me maybe. If in twelve months time I'm able to be in a position where I am independent, living in a place where I can come and go as I please without the need for a convincing cover story, and have the freedom to dress where and when I please then I am sure the year will be an unqualified sucess. If, however on the other hand, my situation is little different for how it is now, well, lets hope it does not come to that or else the year might feel to have been a waste.

My plan for the coming year then is as follows:

• Get a job, preferable one that is in a different town or at least pays enough that I can
• Get my own place. The chances of actually having a place to myself is perhaps limited, especially if i do move down to London, but providing I'm out of my parents hair I hope to be able to
• Get out more. It's important for me not to be cooped up in a closet at home, and actually as we speak I'm talking to some people about a possible night out in mancs in the coming month. The more I get out the more I can explore my femininity and perhaps meet people from the BDSM scene also so that I may possible
• Get Owned. This is not so important as getting out, but my interest in BDSM is something I would also like to explore so it would be nice to get the chance for that as well.

Thrown in the middle of all that is the standard "loose weight" which also might be easier once I move out as then I'll have more control over what I eat. I've been going for jogs lately and have tried to drink less beer (and more girly drinks, malabu coke is my current favorite) so I hope that I'll get more trim if i keep it up.

Oh yes, and in other news I ordered some clothes online so hopefully they'll come soon. I'll write more about that in my next post, and also about my shopping trip to boots to buy some "essentials" but those mis-adventured can wait a little while i think.

Guirlyboi

Ok, so little nervous about this pic. As you can see, this is me without a wig so no anyone who reads this blog can recognise me on the street, oooh errr!

I had second, third, and fourth thoughts about posting this picture but the feedback and support from several friends who encouraged me to post it was decisive in my decision. That and I actually quite like this picture myself. As much as a love my new wig, it is nice to think that I can look natural and femme using my own hair. Well, I think I do, but you can make up your own minds I'm sure.

It is a little worrying thinking that now people know what I look like and I hope this picture won't come back to haunt me when I become UN Secretary General but two things convinced me otherwise.

Firstly, as much as all the fame of having people reading and commenting on my blog has inflated my own ego, I have little delusions about how many people actually read this blog. (I'm pretty certain that out of the 2000 hits at least 500 have been me checking on my site.) Anyone who reads this will have an interest in tgurls and so no one is going to out me without also outing themselves.

The second thing is that fact that I don't really care if people know that I'm transgender. When I came out to people in Japan, and to my brother it was a relief having people know about the real me and it's something I hope to achieve now I'm back in the UK (when I move down to London of course) And besides, anyone who reacts negatively is probably not someone I want to be friends with anyway.

I hope that by posting this picture it'll help me come to terms more with who I am and maybe also encourage other people not to care I someone recognises something you post and outs you. Still, doesn't make me any less nervous about posting....please me nice to me.

The Beuaty of Bondage

Now that my secret love of BDSM is out in the open -not to mention the fact that I've placed a link to this blog on my collarme page- I thought that I would discuss my attraction to all things kinky in a little more depth.

Before I do that though I would like to thank everyone who has commented on my blog when they've seen me in chat rooms or emailed me at the various websites I frequent. It always makes me happy to know that people are reading and enjoying my blog and while all comments are welcome, comments on the blog itself are more so, as they allow the opportunity for discussion to develop and can influence the direction of topics I write about.

I've been drawn to BDSM from a young age, as soon as I first came across it when I was perhaps 14 or 15. I feel that, had I been born "a real girl" it would have been something I would have already have sought out and experienced. There is however less demand for a boy -especially a genderbender such as myself- from the BDSM massive. Of course tgirls are highly prized and many people admire tgurl models, but for every shemale starlet there is a rainbow of pantie wearers dreaming of what would happen "if only they had a chance." I'm not sure yet if I'm one of them or not.

What appeals to me most is perhaps the aesthetic beauty that I find from BDSM. The The outfits, the form, and the control inherent in bondage makes my tummy bubble and my loins ache. I've already mentioned how the cession of control resonates within me and bondage is the ultimate visual expression.The girl has no control and is positioned by others to be pleasing. This form can be simply kneeling in a corner or the use of elaborate outfits, cuffs, chains, ropes and collars. At the risk of sounding like a if-only-i-could dreamer, I will add that being a bondage model is also something I would seriously like, if I ever become presented with the opportunity of course.

Prospective Look #1?

I must admit, for better or worse, I do -on occasion- look at naught pictures. Although for me most of the time when I look at pictures it always makes me think "I wish I looked like that" or "I wish that was happening to me" if its a particularly naught picture. *whistles nonchalantly*

I don't normally save pictures, but on occasion -when I see a pose, outfit, or look- I save it as something to aspire too. This picture with the post is one I came across today. I love the way she looks so much, the funky hair, the sex piercing and the awesome outfit. I wonder how close to that look i could get? I think my skin tone is quite similar, both of us are very pale, and wigs can do wonders. So I thought I'd post this to give some idea of what i aspire to.