Guirlyboi

Ok, so little nervous about this pic. As you can see, this is me without a wig so no anyone who reads this blog can recognise me on the street, oooh errr!

I had second, third, and fourth thoughts about posting this picture but the feedback and support from several friends who encouraged me to post it was decisive in my decision. That and I actually quite like this picture myself. As much as a love my new wig, it is nice to think that I can look natural and femme using my own hair. Well, I think I do, but you can make up your own minds I'm sure.

It is a little worrying thinking that now people know what I look like and I hope this picture won't come back to haunt me when I become UN Secretary General but two things convinced me otherwise.

Firstly, as much as all the fame of having people reading and commenting on my blog has inflated my own ego, I have little delusions about how many people actually read this blog. (I'm pretty certain that out of the 2000 hits at least 500 have been me checking on my site.) Anyone who reads this will have an interest in tgurls and so no one is going to out me without also outing themselves.

The second thing is that fact that I don't really care if people know that I'm transgender. When I came out to people in Japan, and to my brother it was a relief having people know about the real me and it's something I hope to achieve now I'm back in the UK (when I move down to London of course) And besides, anyone who reacts negatively is probably not someone I want to be friends with anyway.

I hope that by posting this picture it'll help me come to terms more with who I am and maybe also encourage other people not to care I someone recognises something you post and outs you. Still, doesn't make me any less nervous about posting....please me nice to me.

Red, Blonde, or Raven?

Found this fun programme online that allows you to do a virtual make over on your very own pc. I've spent hours and hours of the last few days playing about and experimenting with different hair styles to see what might suit me. These are the best three that I liked and aptly are three different colours.

For the last few years I've had dark wigs and have started creating my look based on that, but as a natural red head I wondered if I should think about going for a similar colour to my natural hue or maybe even blond.

I'd be glad to know peoples opinions of these pictures. I also tried some shorter cuts but the pictures didn't work as well. Still a little bit of length is nice and feminine. I do like cute girls with short funky hair styles but I'm not sure how effectively I could pull that off. It would be nice though to be able to have an andro cut so all I have to do it pop on a bit of make up to look more femme.

Visual Aspirations

I had a very nice talk with Keliana last night about how i hope to look. The picture here is one of her suggestions for the look i might aspire too. I've never been a blond but given my fair complexion may it is something i should consider. The look here is quite different to the prospective look i posted a few days ago, with softer more feminine styles chosen over a more trendy outfit. I think i'll defiantly need to try both to find out which is more me, but any comments are welcome.

Keliana and i swapped many pics last night and it was nice to know that we share so many similar ideas. One of the common ideas was an attraction to completely femme boys, that is to say, boys with slender smooth feminine bodys, possibly with pierced belly buttons and long nails, but no hint of breasts. A boy with a perfectly flat chest whose chooses a feminine form. I love this look so much and I think it is what I aspire to most of all.

I need to start at once really as my current figure, though petite, is not quite as slim as i should like. It is a little difficult while living at home but when i move i shall have to get my diet right to achieve the right figure. i keep my body smooth already, but Keliana suggested that i might get waxed when i make my move and this is an idea i like very much. As well as her suggestion to go shopping. I hope to have only girl clothes in my wardrobe so even when in boi mode i can achieve a more androgynous femme look.

I find out about my job in the next few days and so am crossing all my extremities that i'll get it so that i can move down and start working on my dream.

Getting Dressed for the Day

Since returning from Japan in the summer I've been living back at my parent place. I get on very well with my parents, although I haven't quite gotten around to telling them I'm tg just yet, and this makes opportunities to dress a little difficult as I wouldn't generally want them to find discover my open thoughts on gender by walking in on me in a skirt. Today however, was one of the rare occasions when I got to dress without worry of being interrupted.

This was doubly exciting as it was my first real opportunity to try out the corset and the wig that I got when I was in Manchester. I currently find myself sitting on the kitchen table on my lap top, a sex black corset with a red ribbon down the middle clinching my sides into a more feminine frame. This corset was only cheap and so there are no hooks to put it together and I had to squeeze into it and then tie it up. The only way to do this was from behind so the knots were not easy. I was so proud when i got them done! To go with this i have a cute short checked skirts which i have matching panties for, as well as some fishnets and sexy 4" heels. The whole look is totally yummy that I've been staring in the mirror all morning. The only problem sadly, is my face.

That's not to say I'm particularly ugly (although I'll be the first to admit that I'm no stunner) but as a boi (and remember I've said I'm happy being a boi in the past) I look quite dashing with a beard. As I have interviews and stuff this week I've felt that I've had to keep the beard which of course, naturally clashes with my cute outfit.

So sadly no pic of how cute I look today - although I do promise to have one of this outfit up asap- but I've put up a slightly older picture that I took a month or so ago as compensation. I hope that will do for now, and I look forward -as much as you do I'm sure- to taking more and sexier pics soon.

A bit more about me

So I realised in the first blog or two that I gave out some pretty criptic info and wanted to take some more time talking about what I meant here.

First I'd like to say that Penny is not a persona, but is who I am. I know many people who talk about 'not having had time to be Charlotte', or 'going out as Amanda' but for me thats just not having time to dress or just plain going out. I am Penny, I always have been Penny and I always will be Penny, its just who I am, although that doesn't mean I always have the chance to dress in girls clothes, but I'm Penny no matter what I wear.

The other thing I wanted to address is why it's taken me so long to want to be dressed more. On one hand I'm saying "This is who I am" and on the other I'm saying "I've only been out dressed a couple of times" so why doesn't everyone know who I am and then I dress how i damn well please? Well the simple answer I'm afraid is fear. I'm not a big fan of "coming out" and my parents and many of my close friends who I've known for years don't know I'm transgender and frankly I'm terrafied of telling them. I don't know if it's becuase I've known them for so long, or possibly becuase I come from a Christian background -and still consider myself as such- and am not sure how open minded some Christians can be.

Now thats not to say I'm a closet transgenderist (or cd if you prefer) but its just hard coming out to the people who have know you the longest. Especially as on one level I don't think the *need* to know. (Ok i realise i'm making lots of contradictions but I hope you'll let me off for now). I have come out to several people, my brother firstly whose a wonderful guy and this then gave me the courage to come out to some of my closest friends in Japan where I was living at the time. It was really nice to have a group of people who knew who I was. Essentially thats what I'm hoping to do now. I want to move to a new place and be open about who I am to the people I meet. Its a lot easier telling new people about who I am then telling people who have known me for years.

Penny Picture

This is a picture I took in Tokyo on my first ever night out! That seems a long time ago now, 18 months, it was such a good night. I've only really been out once since then as my chances have been limited for various reasons. However, at the time of writing I'm preparing to move to a new job (once I find one that is) in a new city and hopefully start a new adventure!

Welcome to my Blog!

Welcome to my blog! whooo hoooo, yay! and all that jazz.

Hello everyone I'm Penny and I guess I'll just start of by telling you, my readers, a little about me and give a few disclaimers. Sorry about the disclaimers, but I'm a very confused/confusing person and so it's probably best that you understand where I'm coming from from the start.

So I'm Penny, a 25 y/o t-something from the UK. No I don't really get all the transgender definitions and everyone seems to have a different take on what the different labels mean. As I have no great desire to pigeon hole myself I'll tell you a bit more about myself and you can make up any labels you like if that's what floats your boat.

I was born and live as a boy, and I'm happy with that, although in the back of my mind I've always wondered what it would be like to be a girl. I remember dressing up and playing with my little ponies as a child, finding the Internet and telling people I was a girl (very bad, lying is not nice *slap on the wrist*) until I realised THERE IS ANOTHER WAY!

I started chatting to people online and got more comfortable with that female part of me. I enjoyed people knowing who I really was and being cool with that. I don't think I'd consider a sex change any time soon (as I said I'm happy being a boy) but I want to explore being a girl too.

Essentially that's what this blog is (or will be) my exploration as a 21st Century Child.