Busy Times

Wow, well where to begin? I'm afraid it's been far too long since my last update and the speed with which things happen combined with ongoing job hunting means that I feel as if I'm playing catch up a bit.

In my last blog I was telling you about going out to Big Night Out which was still only my third time out dressed. If I told you that in the last month the amount of times I had dressed outside of the confines of my own home stood closer to seven (if fact so much and so blurred that I'm now going to stop counting) and even included attending a Chinese buffet in central Manchester, would you believe me?

I guess the big change has been having people who I can go to places with as very few tgurls I'm sure have the balls to go to many events alone. (and maximum respect to those who do) In the last month six has taken good care of me and my confidence has grown immensely and for that I will always be eternally indebted to her.

The week after BNO I decided I would try to make it to the local Munch. (For those who don't know and have not read my previous blogs a Munch is basically a place where people with a shared BDSM interest meet for drinks occasionally) With her encouragement I went dressed and feel this was defiantly the right decision. While it may have been easier and less risky to have gone in boi mode it would be difficult to shake that image of me from the minds of other simply by putting on a skirt and some make up. Taken as well with one of my long term goals being to be comfortable and confident going out dressed this encouragement was exactly what I needed.

There was a little scary moment when we arrive in the venue and ordered a drink at the bar. I wanted to shoot upstairs to the pre-booked function room as opposed to standing in at the bar regardless of how empty it was. I had specifically dressed in andro style clothes as I feel more comfortable thinking that people are double taking me and wondering if I'm a guy or a girl then have them look at me and think I'm just a guy in drag or something. One old guy at the bar kept staring at me and I steadfastly refused eye contact. I was sure that I had no chance of passing and that the girl behind the bar who smiled at me was mealy humoring me but perhaps not?

I guess when it comes down to it there are alot of ugly girls out there and even with my guy shoulders, awful make up, and stubble I'm still slightly more passable than some genetic girls out there. Well, I have to have something to cling to. six tells me though that all I need is confidence and she is right of course. If I hold myself and walk as if I don't care and am not out of place no one is hardly likely to confront me.

After ordering drinks we went upstairs where other people local to the area had come. Everyone was really nice and although I was nervous throughout I don't think I needed to be. It was a little hairy being the only t-gurl there. At other events I'd been to it was a reassuring thing that no matter how badly dressed I was there was always someone maybe more so. But here, at an event that had nothing to do with the t-gurl or the gay scene I was perhaps, from one point of view, a fish out of water.

None the less it was a wonderful experience and one that I would recommend to other t-gurls who read this. While going to tg clubs and events can be alot of fun I think most of us aspire to be able to do things with people who we share other interests with than solely an affection for pretty clothes. (not that that is not enough) I was certainly out of my comfort zone but then that's often the best place to be for an interesting life.

Hmm I think this will do for one post. I'm sorry that there's no pictures but I promise to make it up with the next one. It should be along very soon as it's already happened. I guess it just depends on how lazy I am.

New Year, New Dress, New Friend

So you know how I've been banging out about "wanting to get out and explore my femininity and submissive side" and all that crap without actually doing anything about it? Yeah, thought you might have picked up on some of that. Well today I actually did something about it.

It's not that I haven't been trying to be proactive, I've met some awesome girls of late online and have been trying to plan some form of meet/night out as well as having talked to some really genuine Dom/mes who I'd love to visit for the weekend. But it always comes back to the same problem, what do I say to my parents without giving them a bare faced lie? If only there was someone in my home town who I could hang out and dress with who maybe had their own interest in exploring their Domme side. If only...

I got talking to Rachel through a mutual friend who when I mentioned where I lived asked me if I knew Rachel. She hooked us up on yahoo and we really hit it off. Rachel was very easy to talk to, she dressed with class, and in addition to that she had a bit of a Domme streak she was wanting to explore. She had a web cam and a genuine attitude and I quickly felt very comfortable talking with her. We got talking saying that we should meet some time maybe. Then I had to say something stupid.

I suggested that we met up the very next day. Great. Finally I find someone local who seems normal and not some scary and random caricature and I go and chase her off by suggesting to meet like some over zealous puppy. But to my great surprise and pleasure she said that would be fine. I guess somewhere I was thinking that if I tried to over anylise the situation there was a chance of planning something in the future and then other things coming up. By doing something so soon it left little time to worry about anything.

We arranged to meet the next day after lunch which meant that I could get out and be back home without having to explain my whereabouts to my parents which was really convenient. We chatted on the phone in the morning and Rachel sounded very nice serving to reassure me further about meeting. However she did ask that I came dressed. I think its easier for people that way as seeing someone in boi mode can really break the girl illusion. I'd been playng with the idea of getting a bit of an andro look and so didn't feel too nervous about popping on a bit of make up, some girlyboi clothes and packing a bag of other clothes including a new dress I'd bought that had arrived the previous day. This is it in the pictures btw? I love how versatile it is. I've only got half the styles figures out but I'm sure they'll be plenty of time. Sorry that theres no pics of me up in it yet I promise to take some for the next blog. But heres another one of me as a bit of a page filler :p

Anyway, I cycled across town and left my bike by the river. I didn't know if there would be anywhere to park outside Rachel's house so for some crazy reason I decided to walk the last 200 metres or so. I was wearing sun glasses so no one would be able to see my eye shadow or mascara but the bra I was wearing might have made me stand out a little bit.....I had no idea it would be so busy! I kept my eyed down and flushed red every time i was forced to walk past anyone. At one point I saw some young guys approaching, about 19 or 20 and had to take a quick detour out of the way as if anyone was going to say anything about a boy walking down the road in a padded bra they would!

Things didn't get much better from there. I followed Rachel's directions but found out that she lived right next to a high school....and it was lunch time! So all the kids were milling around the street! I was petrified someone might say something. Finally i found a quiet back ally, put my wig on, and I was ready to knock on the door. Hmmm....I think the second part can wait for the next post. =D see you soon!

Guirlyboi

Ok, so little nervous about this pic. As you can see, this is me without a wig so no anyone who reads this blog can recognise me on the street, oooh errr!

I had second, third, and fourth thoughts about posting this picture but the feedback and support from several friends who encouraged me to post it was decisive in my decision. That and I actually quite like this picture myself. As much as a love my new wig, it is nice to think that I can look natural and femme using my own hair. Well, I think I do, but you can make up your own minds I'm sure.

It is a little worrying thinking that now people know what I look like and I hope this picture won't come back to haunt me when I become UN Secretary General but two things convinced me otherwise.

Firstly, as much as all the fame of having people reading and commenting on my blog has inflated my own ego, I have little delusions about how many people actually read this blog. (I'm pretty certain that out of the 2000 hits at least 500 have been me checking on my site.) Anyone who reads this will have an interest in tgurls and so no one is going to out me without also outing themselves.

The second thing is that fact that I don't really care if people know that I'm transgender. When I came out to people in Japan, and to my brother it was a relief having people know about the real me and it's something I hope to achieve now I'm back in the UK (when I move down to London of course) And besides, anyone who reacts negatively is probably not someone I want to be friends with anyway.

I hope that by posting this picture it'll help me come to terms more with who I am and maybe also encourage other people not to care I someone recognises something you post and outs you. Still, doesn't make me any less nervous about posting....please me nice to me.

London Calling

I got a phone call from the job I went for! Ok, so it turns out the want me to go back to London next Tuesday for a second interview, but it means that they like me enough to consider me for the job. It turns out its between me and another person who has the interview the day before. The last slot is always the best place to be so I think I've got a very good chance of getting it.

I'm so excited at the prospect of moving down to London, getting my own space and a chance to meet new people, and of course the oppertunity to dress and go out as I please. I still have a long way to go, and theres no guarentee that I'll even get this job. But the light of London are on the horizon.

Job Interview

Tomorrow is going to be a big day. I've been hoping to find a job down in London for the past three months and tomorrow I have my first interview! I'm not expecting to get the job necessarily, it is my first interview after all, but I'm hoping I might all the same!

Since getting back to the country in July I've been staying at my parents. As much as I love them I've still to get around to tell them that I'm tg (and still unsure if they *really* need to know) and so the chances to dress and express my femme side are few and far between. The prospect of getting a job in London far away from home is therefore doubly exciting.

I wouldn't move to London just to get a chance to dress of course, but the chance to start a career, live in a city like London *and* the opportunity to dress is too good to pass up. So wish me luck, if not in this job in the next, and who know in a few months maybe we'll be bigging it up together in London town.

On another not I hope you like this picture I chose to represent my interview. Its actually pretty close to what I'm going to wear tomorrow, a cute white shit, black top and with a nice professional looking leather folder. Sadly I won't look as pretty as the girl in the picture, but give me a little more time ;)