New Year, New Dress, New Friend

So you know how I've been banging out about "wanting to get out and explore my femininity and submissive side" and all that crap without actually doing anything about it? Yeah, thought you might have picked up on some of that. Well today I actually did something about it.

It's not that I haven't been trying to be proactive, I've met some awesome girls of late online and have been trying to plan some form of meet/night out as well as having talked to some really genuine Dom/mes who I'd love to visit for the weekend. But it always comes back to the same problem, what do I say to my parents without giving them a bare faced lie? If only there was someone in my home town who I could hang out and dress with who maybe had their own interest in exploring their Domme side. If only...

I got talking to Rachel through a mutual friend who when I mentioned where I lived asked me if I knew Rachel. She hooked us up on yahoo and we really hit it off. Rachel was very easy to talk to, she dressed with class, and in addition to that she had a bit of a Domme streak she was wanting to explore. She had a web cam and a genuine attitude and I quickly felt very comfortable talking with her. We got talking saying that we should meet some time maybe. Then I had to say something stupid.

I suggested that we met up the very next day. Great. Finally I find someone local who seems normal and not some scary and random caricature and I go and chase her off by suggesting to meet like some over zealous puppy. But to my great surprise and pleasure she said that would be fine. I guess somewhere I was thinking that if I tried to over anylise the situation there was a chance of planning something in the future and then other things coming up. By doing something so soon it left little time to worry about anything.

We arranged to meet the next day after lunch which meant that I could get out and be back home without having to explain my whereabouts to my parents which was really convenient. We chatted on the phone in the morning and Rachel sounded very nice serving to reassure me further about meeting. However she did ask that I came dressed. I think its easier for people that way as seeing someone in boi mode can really break the girl illusion. I'd been playng with the idea of getting a bit of an andro look and so didn't feel too nervous about popping on a bit of make up, some girlyboi clothes and packing a bag of other clothes including a new dress I'd bought that had arrived the previous day. This is it in the pictures btw? I love how versatile it is. I've only got half the styles figures out but I'm sure they'll be plenty of time. Sorry that theres no pics of me up in it yet I promise to take some for the next blog. But heres another one of me as a bit of a page filler :p

Anyway, I cycled across town and left my bike by the river. I didn't know if there would be anywhere to park outside Rachel's house so for some crazy reason I decided to walk the last 200 metres or so. I was wearing sun glasses so no one would be able to see my eye shadow or mascara but the bra I was wearing might have made me stand out a little bit.....I had no idea it would be so busy! I kept my eyed down and flushed red every time i was forced to walk past anyone. At one point I saw some young guys approaching, about 19 or 20 and had to take a quick detour out of the way as if anyone was going to say anything about a boy walking down the road in a padded bra they would!

Things didn't get much better from there. I followed Rachel's directions but found out that she lived right next to a high school....and it was lunch time! So all the kids were milling around the street! I was petrified someone might say something. Finally i found a quiet back ally, put my wig on, and I was ready to knock on the door. Hmmm....I think the second part can wait for the next post. =D see you soon!

Guirlyboi

Ok, so little nervous about this pic. As you can see, this is me without a wig so no anyone who reads this blog can recognise me on the street, oooh errr!

I had second, third, and fourth thoughts about posting this picture but the feedback and support from several friends who encouraged me to post it was decisive in my decision. That and I actually quite like this picture myself. As much as a love my new wig, it is nice to think that I can look natural and femme using my own hair. Well, I think I do, but you can make up your own minds I'm sure.

It is a little worrying thinking that now people know what I look like and I hope this picture won't come back to haunt me when I become UN Secretary General but two things convinced me otherwise.

Firstly, as much as all the fame of having people reading and commenting on my blog has inflated my own ego, I have little delusions about how many people actually read this blog. (I'm pretty certain that out of the 2000 hits at least 500 have been me checking on my site.) Anyone who reads this will have an interest in tgurls and so no one is going to out me without also outing themselves.

The second thing is that fact that I don't really care if people know that I'm transgender. When I came out to people in Japan, and to my brother it was a relief having people know about the real me and it's something I hope to achieve now I'm back in the UK (when I move down to London of course) And besides, anyone who reacts negatively is probably not someone I want to be friends with anyway.

I hope that by posting this picture it'll help me come to terms more with who I am and maybe also encourage other people not to care I someone recognises something you post and outs you. Still, doesn't make me any less nervous about posting....please me nice to me.

Celebrity Collage by MyHeritage

Ha, too funny! I swear I didn't fiddle with this honest! I do however find it quite funny that the programme I used seemed to think I was asian (or should be asian perhaps.) It's actually quite a compliment as I do find asian women -and especially asian ladyboys- have a beauty I can only dream of. I've always said if somone had given me the choice to have been a girl at the start I would have deffinatly taken it, and if they'd offered me the oppertunity to have been an asian girl i would have bitten their hand off!

As complimentary as it is I'm not going to take it seriously, I don't think I'm going to get mistaken for Hamasaki Ayumi or Otsuka Ai walking down the street any time soon. So any thoughts? Do you think I *could* pass as a girl, or even pass as an asian girl? When I was in Japan, and before i changed to this current name I used the last name 'Suzuki' for some unknown reason and even after people saw my pictures I still, on occasion, got asked if I was Japanese or half Japanese, so maybe it isn't quite as far fetched as I might think?

Fun with Flickr

I decided to put some of my pictures up on flickr recently and am very glad I did :) I've had lots of people looking and many making comment. I fell like such an attention whore but it's just so nice to know that people are enjoying my pictures. I even put up some naughty ones but decided to limit the access as I wasn't too sure about showing too much to anyone who fancies a peek.

I made a link on my flickr profile to my blog here so hopefully I have a few new readers, although I'm still waiting for people to make some comment on here.

I also popped one of my pics up on hot or not also. This was a little scary as it would be in amongst pictures of 'normal' people but I just couldn't resist. Currently I have a rating of 5.9, which actually I'm quite happy about. Ok, being marked 5 out of 10 isn't the best result but I am up again people who were born with boobies and the fact that I've not been given a 1 by everyone for being a bloke in a skirt, so 5 out of 10 isn't too bad. I wonder how many people realise that I'm a tgurl from my pictures, does everyone know, or am I fooling all the hotornotters? Who knows. There's a link to my page on here too, so feel free to vote for me on there too, hehe.

On the subject of voting I'm getting my pictures rated on tvchix as well and been getting alot more 10's which makes me happy. Slowly I'm creeping up on my ratings and am wondering if I'll be able to make the top 25 this month.....exciting times.

Lastly, I'm still waiting on that job. They should have gotten back to me by now *grumble grumble* The fact that I was in the last two though means that they're going to ring me whatever the outcome, so no news is not necessarily bad news....

Visual Aspirations

I had a very nice talk with Keliana last night about how i hope to look. The picture here is one of her suggestions for the look i might aspire too. I've never been a blond but given my fair complexion may it is something i should consider. The look here is quite different to the prospective look i posted a few days ago, with softer more feminine styles chosen over a more trendy outfit. I think i'll defiantly need to try both to find out which is more me, but any comments are welcome.

Keliana and i swapped many pics last night and it was nice to know that we share so many similar ideas. One of the common ideas was an attraction to completely femme boys, that is to say, boys with slender smooth feminine bodys, possibly with pierced belly buttons and long nails, but no hint of breasts. A boy with a perfectly flat chest whose chooses a feminine form. I love this look so much and I think it is what I aspire to most of all.

I need to start at once really as my current figure, though petite, is not quite as slim as i should like. It is a little difficult while living at home but when i move i shall have to get my diet right to achieve the right figure. i keep my body smooth already, but Keliana suggested that i might get waxed when i make my move and this is an idea i like very much. As well as her suggestion to go shopping. I hope to have only girl clothes in my wardrobe so even when in boi mode i can achieve a more androgynous femme look.

I find out about my job in the next few days and so am crossing all my extremities that i'll get it so that i can move down and start working on my dream.

Getting Dressed for the Day

Since returning from Japan in the summer I've been living back at my parent place. I get on very well with my parents, although I haven't quite gotten around to telling them I'm tg just yet, and this makes opportunities to dress a little difficult as I wouldn't generally want them to find discover my open thoughts on gender by walking in on me in a skirt. Today however, was one of the rare occasions when I got to dress without worry of being interrupted.

This was doubly exciting as it was my first real opportunity to try out the corset and the wig that I got when I was in Manchester. I currently find myself sitting on the kitchen table on my lap top, a sex black corset with a red ribbon down the middle clinching my sides into a more feminine frame. This corset was only cheap and so there are no hooks to put it together and I had to squeeze into it and then tie it up. The only way to do this was from behind so the knots were not easy. I was so proud when i got them done! To go with this i have a cute short checked skirts which i have matching panties for, as well as some fishnets and sexy 4" heels. The whole look is totally yummy that I've been staring in the mirror all morning. The only problem sadly, is my face.

That's not to say I'm particularly ugly (although I'll be the first to admit that I'm no stunner) but as a boi (and remember I've said I'm happy being a boi in the past) I look quite dashing with a beard. As I have interviews and stuff this week I've felt that I've had to keep the beard which of course, naturally clashes with my cute outfit.

So sadly no pic of how cute I look today - although I do promise to have one of this outfit up asap- but I've put up a slightly older picture that I took a month or so ago as compensation. I hope that will do for now, and I look forward -as much as you do I'm sure- to taking more and sexier pics soon.

Job Interview

Tomorrow is going to be a big day. I've been hoping to find a job down in London for the past three months and tomorrow I have my first interview! I'm not expecting to get the job necessarily, it is my first interview after all, but I'm hoping I might all the same!

Since getting back to the country in July I've been staying at my parents. As much as I love them I've still to get around to tell them that I'm tg (and still unsure if they *really* need to know) and so the chances to dress and express my femme side are few and far between. The prospect of getting a job in London far away from home is therefore doubly exciting.

I wouldn't move to London just to get a chance to dress of course, but the chance to start a career, live in a city like London *and* the opportunity to dress is too good to pass up. So wish me luck, if not in this job in the next, and who know in a few months maybe we'll be bigging it up together in London town.

On another not I hope you like this picture I chose to represent my interview. Its actually pretty close to what I'm going to wear tomorrow, a cute white shit, black top and with a nice professional looking leather folder. Sadly I won't look as pretty as the girl in the picture, but give me a little more time ;)

What's in a Name?

Anyone reading this blog after finding its link on one of the tg sites I roll around on might be a little confused at first by my name, as it's not the one I normally go by. Originally I wasn't going to link this blog to that name, but as I'm having so much fun writing it I'd like more people to know about it and read it.

My current name (at least on this site) Penelope Bailey, came along after I was chatting with one of my friends Keliana. I'm job hunting at the moment and looking for something down in London. Keliana lives down there and is a glamorous jet setter, so I jokally suggested that i should be her PA. This idea took hold and then we started chatting about how it would be, how I would book all her appointments and make her arrangements and how she would make sure that her glamorous little PA was kitted out in all the best labels and the cutest little strappy heels on the market.

We decided that this PA would need a new name, something that sounded professional and classy, but could also be affectionately shortened. Penelope was suggested and we both liked the sound of that. We also discussed what last name would sound right for an expression like, "My assistant Ms XXX will make sure you are comfortable". Out of the different ones we tried Bailey seemed to sit well, and -as it's also one of my favorite drinks- we decided that Penelope Bailey should be my new name.

I do like the sound of it, but I still keep coming across other ideas of names that i like the ring too. "Virginia Davenport", "Angela Stapleton", "Georgina Pendleton" hmmm so many different ideas. Well I always find the names I like the most are the ones people have given me. And as Klarrissa has given me Penelope Bailley then I'm more then happy with that. :) Although I am intrigued as to any suggestions that others might have. Do I look like a Penny? Do let me know, it would be amusing to see what might be suggested.

A bit more about me

So I realised in the first blog or two that I gave out some pretty criptic info and wanted to take some more time talking about what I meant here.

First I'd like to say that Penny is not a persona, but is who I am. I know many people who talk about 'not having had time to be Charlotte', or 'going out as Amanda' but for me thats just not having time to dress or just plain going out. I am Penny, I always have been Penny and I always will be Penny, its just who I am, although that doesn't mean I always have the chance to dress in girls clothes, but I'm Penny no matter what I wear.

The other thing I wanted to address is why it's taken me so long to want to be dressed more. On one hand I'm saying "This is who I am" and on the other I'm saying "I've only been out dressed a couple of times" so why doesn't everyone know who I am and then I dress how i damn well please? Well the simple answer I'm afraid is fear. I'm not a big fan of "coming out" and my parents and many of my close friends who I've known for years don't know I'm transgender and frankly I'm terrafied of telling them. I don't know if it's becuase I've known them for so long, or possibly becuase I come from a Christian background -and still consider myself as such- and am not sure how open minded some Christians can be.

Now thats not to say I'm a closet transgenderist (or cd if you prefer) but its just hard coming out to the people who have know you the longest. Especially as on one level I don't think the *need* to know. (Ok i realise i'm making lots of contradictions but I hope you'll let me off for now). I have come out to several people, my brother firstly whose a wonderful guy and this then gave me the courage to come out to some of my closest friends in Japan where I was living at the time. It was really nice to have a group of people who knew who I was. Essentially thats what I'm hoping to do now. I want to move to a new place and be open about who I am to the people I meet. Its a lot easier telling new people about who I am then telling people who have known me for years.

Penny Picture

This is a picture I took in Tokyo on my first ever night out! That seems a long time ago now, 18 months, it was such a good night. I've only really been out once since then as my chances have been limited for various reasons. However, at the time of writing I'm preparing to move to a new job (once I find one that is) in a new city and hopefully start a new adventure!

Welcome to my Blog!

Welcome to my blog! whooo hoooo, yay! and all that jazz.

Hello everyone I'm Penny and I guess I'll just start of by telling you, my readers, a little about me and give a few disclaimers. Sorry about the disclaimers, but I'm a very confused/confusing person and so it's probably best that you understand where I'm coming from from the start.

So I'm Penny, a 25 y/o t-something from the UK. No I don't really get all the transgender definitions and everyone seems to have a different take on what the different labels mean. As I have no great desire to pigeon hole myself I'll tell you a bit more about myself and you can make up any labels you like if that's what floats your boat.

I was born and live as a boy, and I'm happy with that, although in the back of my mind I've always wondered what it would be like to be a girl. I remember dressing up and playing with my little ponies as a child, finding the Internet and telling people I was a girl (very bad, lying is not nice *slap on the wrist*) until I realised THERE IS ANOTHER WAY!

I started chatting to people online and got more comfortable with that female part of me. I enjoyed people knowing who I really was and being cool with that. I don't think I'd consider a sex change any time soon (as I said I'm happy being a boy) but I want to explore being a girl too.

Essentially that's what this blog is (or will be) my exploration as a 21st Century Child.