The Trans Commandment

A satirical (sa.tir-ik-ul: of, pertaining to, or connected with satire) look at some tranny rules of living. ***disclaimer: no offence intended***

here n findsome home truths about becoming a Transsexual, if you can think of any additions pleae do tell me , it is vital for the well fair of your femenin friends

• Never take medicine from a Doctor, they're secretly part of an illuminate conspiracy to make us obedient vegetables (like carrots and broccoli, but not like tomatoes who, as well all know, are devious little motherfuckers). Instead get meds *only* from supplies you can trust who sell them for $1.99 on the Internet.

• Never go down to the benefit office dressed in a pink leotard and 5" gold sandles. You may think you look "hawt" but you might get some funny looks. There are some benefits you can get from that outfit however, such as free drinks from any number of sleazy gay clubs. Try them all to find the best deal!

• Smoke as much as you can as a girl, its great for you figure and is an essential part of your training if your hoping to partake in the World Wide Lesbian Conspiracy (WoWiLezCo). Spend all you money on 'brainwashing' CD's, you know you have too much money and those clever people who have found inventive ways of relieving you of your cash deserve a nice holiday.
  

• Look after your hair, it's not like us t-girl could get away with wearing wigs.

• Wear sunscreen.

• Shave your forehead to encourage hair to grow there, that way no one will notice the stubble on your upper lip and just think that you have some rare condition like hairyitus.

• Never start a land war in Asia.

• Don't lean on things, you might fall over.

• Don't have so much soya it is high in Urinates, and don't drink water, its high in Poonates. Stick with diet cock, ooops sorry, typo diet *coke*. If it's got 'diet' written on it it must be good for you right?

• Drink only bottled diet cock, the canned stuff has been tampered with by the Catholics/ Free Masons/ Illuminate/ WoWiLezCo and think that people who wear skirts are a threat to their plan for global domination/ summer holidays.

• If you start to get stalked by wierd people who speak liek they know you run off to the Pictern Island and don't come back. Do this especially if those wierd people look like your parents, friends, or relitives as it means that the Illuminate has got to them already! In fact, do that anyway, no one lieks you anyway.
  

• Until you have fully transitioned don't go into the female loos. Don't go in the male loos either tho as they may think your gay and beet you up. Instead do a piddle on the midway point between the two then no one can complain. If you need a number too go to the bar and ask if you can borrow a bucket.

• Beware of Gender Therapists (The Rapists!) they work for the Illuminate et. al. and don't really care about helping you. Order all your meds online and then once the arrive stockpile tins of beans to last you 2 years in a wardrobe then hide in they're chrysalis like until you are fully femme (or at least have a nice pair of boobies)

• Don't socialise too much. Your a freak and nobody likes you.

• Burn your lap top after reading this at once as a secret Illuminate Internet spyware that is on all pc's with cause it to explode in the next three seconds.

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BOOM!
I'm going to the special Hell, the one reserved for child molesters, people who talk at the theatre and people who rip the piss out of paranoid trannies.

(the management would like to thank Jezzka and Jenni for their help with this piece and for Ultra for being the inspiration. They would also like to say that this is a work of fiction and any resemblance to people living or dead, or articles that may look similar, is purely coincidental.)