So I realised in the first blog or two that I gave out some pretty criptic info and wanted to take some more time talking about what I meant here.
First I'd like to say that Penny is not a persona, but is who I am. I know many people who talk about 'not having had time to be Charlotte', or 'going out as Amanda' but for me thats just not having time to dress or just plain going out. I am Penny, I always have been Penny and I always will be Penny, its just who I am, although that doesn't mean I always have the chance to dress in girls clothes, but I'm Penny no matter what I wear.
The other thing I wanted to address is why it's taken me so long to want to be dressed more. On one hand I'm saying "This is who I am" and on the other I'm saying "I've only been out dressed a couple of times" so why doesn't everyone know who I am and then I dress how i damn well please? Well the simple answer I'm afraid is fear. I'm not a big fan of "coming out" and my parents and many of my close friends who I've known for years don't know I'm transgender and frankly I'm terrafied of telling them. I don't know if it's becuase I've known them for so long, or possibly becuase I come from a Christian background -and still consider myself as such- and am not sure how open minded some Christians can be.
Now thats not to say I'm a closet transgenderist (or cd if you prefer) but its just hard coming out to the people who have know you the longest. Especially as on one level I don't think the *need* to know. (Ok i realise i'm making lots of contradictions but I hope you'll let me off for now). I have come out to several people, my brother firstly whose a wonderful guy and this then gave me the courage to come out to some of my closest friends in Japan where I was living at the time. It was really nice to have a group of people who knew who I was. Essentially thats what I'm hoping to do now. I want to move to a new place and be open about who I am to the people I meet. Its a lot easier telling new people about who I am then telling people who have known me for years.
First I'd like to say that Penny is not a persona, but is who I am. I know many people who talk about 'not having had time to be Charlotte', or 'going out as Amanda' but for me thats just not having time to dress or just plain going out. I am Penny, I always have been Penny and I always will be Penny, its just who I am, although that doesn't mean I always have the chance to dress in girls clothes, but I'm Penny no matter what I wear.
The other thing I wanted to address is why it's taken me so long to want to be dressed more. On one hand I'm saying "This is who I am" and on the other I'm saying "I've only been out dressed a couple of times" so why doesn't everyone know who I am and then I dress how i damn well please? Well the simple answer I'm afraid is fear. I'm not a big fan of "coming out" and my parents and many of my close friends who I've known for years don't know I'm transgender and frankly I'm terrafied of telling them. I don't know if it's becuase I've known them for so long, or possibly becuase I come from a Christian background -and still consider myself as such- and am not sure how open minded some Christians can be.
Now thats not to say I'm a closet transgenderist (or cd if you prefer) but its just hard coming out to the people who have know you the longest. Especially as on one level I don't think the *need* to know. (Ok i realise i'm making lots of contradictions but I hope you'll let me off for now). I have come out to several people, my brother firstly whose a wonderful guy and this then gave me the courage to come out to some of my closest friends in Japan where I was living at the time. It was really nice to have a group of people who knew who I was. Essentially thats what I'm hoping to do now. I want to move to a new place and be open about who I am to the people I meet. Its a lot easier telling new people about who I am then telling people who have known me for years.
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